Flippin'

2012-01-29T17:06:00.002+08:00

I never knew a human being could be so DAMN HEARTLESS.
Thanks. Really. Thanks a lot.
I don't even know why I tried.

2012-01-29T14:21:00.002+08:00

I just know that I fell in and out of sleep a hell lot, almost every hour, that my mind started to hate it. Started to hate me.
So it made me think of a whole lot of crap and eventually I started to enjoy it.

The only way I would spend my weekend.

You and I are free now

2012-01-25T16:51:00.003+08:00

You Me

So why did you want me to drive you?

I missed your car.

And?

That's it.

You don't miss me?

Why the hell would I miss you?

Why wouldn't you?

Caus you're a jerk.

I'm not.

Okay.

I'm not a jerk. Why do you think I am?

You've fucked me over a coupla times.

No I didn't.

Yes you did.

You're talking crap.

No, you are.

If you have something to say to me, then say it.

Okay. Fuck you.

Get out of the car.

Hahahahahahahha.

I'm serious.

Oh I'm scared.

You better be. I'm not kidding.

Neither am I.

What?

I'm scared of you.

You're crazy.

I'd never know when you'll hurt me next. It could be next week, next month or even five seconds later.

I...

Well it's fine, really. I've gotten used to it.

I've never hurt you.

Just drive.

It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear

2012-01-19T22:49:00.003+08:00

Nicholas Hoult aka Tony Stonem. Much hotter when not filming. :P

Why are people from Skins so beautiful. :(

It took me a while but I think I've finally thought of what I wanted for my 17th.
Go to a club and get wasted.
Haha just kidding but seriously I wanted to try my first martini.
Other than that I just wanted to head deep into the city and see some sights before I leave for a wifi-less area on Sunday. Oh and get a Starbucks.

Stop staring at me, maths

2012-01-15T22:10:00.000+08:00

Soooo, I forgot that I had a birthday this month. Several times, actually. But I kinda wish that I didn't remember. Now I gotta think of a way to treat myself.

Well, I know I want a Starbucks.

From a distance, but always near

2012-01-10T23:34:00.001+08:00

A stand soon developed into a squat, then a cross-legged sit, and then eventually I laid on the ground.

But I never stopped watching you despite you never turning around for a second.

Releasing norm, accepting alternative.

2012-01-07T23:56:00.000+08:00

Goodbyes

2012-01-06T23:39:00.000+08:00

2011 was the hardest, saddest, happiest, and craziest year of my life.

So I hope 2012 will top that.

I'll drink to that.

A night's thoughts

2012-01-02T00:32:00.001+08:00

Should've asked the waiter for another glass. It was the most bitter wine I had tasted but it would still be better than nothing. I rested my chin on my palm as I stared out the car window watching city nightlife go by. My parents and sister were talking about something. The wedding I think. I don't know. I couldn't be bothered. My hand left my chin and supported my head. I heard my ring knock my skull as my fingers cradled my head. Tonight was some way to celebrate a new year. I popped a piece of chocolate into my mouth and sighed.

Dad stopped at a traffic light and my eyes never left the outside. Soon a car pulled up beside ours and it consisted a family of Indians. Parents up front, daughter and son in the back. The daughter looked around my age. She had a pretty face, with eyes I envied. I watched as her mom said something in lightning speed to her, which looked like a lecture from my view. I looked at them indifferently and held my hand to my head still.

The daughter heard her mom, but gave no response. Then as though she felt someone watching her, she turned to look at me. I wasn't embarrassed about staring, but I still felt awkward. Before I had time to look away, she smiled.

I didn't move an inch. I thought she was strange. I wouldn't smile to a stranger that easily. Which was why I had people staring at me coldly instead of gently all my life. She puzzled me, and I hated it. But being exhausted physically and also in the head, I didn't want to force myself to pull a frown. The alcohol did not even trigger what I did next, I did it purely thinking that I might need it. It had been a long night, too long to endure even further.

My eyes never leaving hers, I returned the smile.

Rotating

2011-12-30T09:01:00.000+08:00

Effy & Freddie

Best coupleeee <3

Kay bye, am off to KL :D

For the person who died in OU, so I heard, may you rest in peace. Also, you've made me realize and understand that

2011-12-29T00:35:00.000+08:00

Truthfully, I still believe that you would come rescue me

2011-12-27T20:11:00.000+08:00

And I'm speaking in a full, sober state. I hope one day you would find me.

--------------

Saturday
Went to Nat's birthday bash. Actually, I didn't know it was a bash, until I saw the girls at the table in dresses and makeup. Never been more out of place in my life. Buuuut, I had a good time. Added bonus, there was beer. And and and, glow sticks. :3
Only took three photos. Too busy partying.

Spent most of the night with her. And, we both have red nails. :D

Sunday
Went to OU with my parents for Christmas shopping. At the end of the day, I bought a book, a ring, hairbands and... yeah I think that's about it. I have sad shopping skills.

Growing silver vines on my finger. (Y)

Monday
Went to Sungai Wang with mum and sis to buy clothes for CNY. Yeah, we had to go early caus we probably won't have time next month since it'll be coming round pretty early.
Bought A LOT of clothes till my legs ached with shopping exhaustion. When I got into the car and my sister stopped at a traffic light, I felt pain on my left calf. When I examined it, I found a huge ass cut with dried blood. My sister laughed at me saying that I was such a shopaholic till I didn't notice the pain.

The woman had a point. Once I noticed, I felt the sting all the way home.

Christmas pressie from someone special.

Didn't buy this, made my upper body look unnaturally voluptuous and my lower body look like a Barbie's.

Jam

Shopaholic attitude kills. :(

And today? I didn't do anything. I just did my usual Tuesday house cleaning chores. Does that count? :(

Boohoo. I shall declare that from today onwards, my rule is broken. :D

So, I'm back to my random posts. Bye!

Don't forget to breathe

2011-12-23T23:39:00.004+08:00

Okay I'm sorry, I'll make up for the past two days and then talk about today. Don't be pissy. :)

Wednesday

Went to Curve to do a little shopping and to just get some air.
Oh and I watched Alvin and the Chipmunks. THEODOREEEEE is so fluffy imma die! :D

My first time at the Garden's cafe. Wanted to sit by the piano. :(

Saw this white Porsche while waiting for my mom. She's so... beautiful.

Thursday

I watched TV all afternoon and then watched videos. Didn't do much today. But I didn't break my rule. I did something productive. :) What? I'm not going to say here.

Friday

Went to OU with Chuan, Rachel and Jian Lin. Watched Tom Cruise who is still hot in his age no matter what anybody says thanks very much. Walked around, shopped, and went to Candylicious. :D
Before leaving, Chuan and I vented both our pissed moods by playing a few rounds at the batting cages. Nothing like hitting a few balls.

Bigass Hershey! :D

Chuan : See that?

Me : They mean it in a good way! :3

Who the heck's Rufi?

Anywho got myself three new tops. :D Imma happy kid.

Updates for tomorrow will be, well, tomorrow. See you! :)

But I'm so bad

2011-12-20T23:45:00.003+08:00

Well hello. I'll be honest, I almost forgot to update about today. Hoho. :)

Today I had an awesome potato for brunch.

Yep that was an awesome potato. :D

And then later in the afternoon I decided to write a little and it reminded me of something I found recently while I was searching for names to put in my story.
A while back I suddenly thought of this name, Cera, and I had no idea why. I used her name in some of my essays and stories but I could never explain why I was drawn to the name. So just the other day I was randomly searching for names beginning with the letter C and I saw...

Hahahahaha and so I finally realized. If you didn't get it, it's because the name means red too, just like my name.

By the way my name's not Spanish, it's Latin.

Yep that's more like it. And what? Rufus? -.-

Oh and I also found Rylee, which turned out to be a name Sin Yee and I created back in form two by combining both our names together. Funny that it actually exists. :P

Wow, valiant.

Other than that I was dealing with some Nostalgia stuff, house cleaning and for dinner I went to this new place around my housing area but it sucked caus I waited more than half an hour for my food. -.-

So I guess I'll be on a mission tomorrow to have a more interesting day. Till then! :)

This video is worth the four minutes and twenty-six seconds of your life, trust me. I loved it. And this is a spoiler but in case you don't understand the ending, the guy died kthanksbyeenjoy! :)

Don't touch that

2011-12-19T22:50:00.000+08:00

*uses Cathy Nguyen's voice from Wong Fu Weekends 42*

Hello there :D

Just last last night, I realized that I will only have, more or less, two weeks left of holidays to spare and then it's back to the hellhole. Soooo, I have decided to make this week and the next very much worth it. As in, I won't spend my days lazily sleeping and mindlessly tapping on my laptop anymore. Instead, I made myself a rule that I will do something productive each day and then blog about it to make sure I don't go off track. Yay :]

So today I woke up at *insert time* and went outside only to be surprised by my dad who was apparently home. Found out later he was on sick leave. He then told me to ring my mum and once I did she babbled about how to make my lunch today. So after I hung up, I ~~snatched up the coolest apron I owned and the sharpest knife ever made and~~ began cooking. Once I was done I was quite impressed, I've always thought I would blow up my mum's kitchen, for real.

I made pizza for lunch.

Then I switched on my lappie and went onto Youtube to watch Wong Fu's latest short. I nearly cried at the end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TC6VwJx9odo&feature=g-u&context=G2628cadFUAAAAAAABAA

And then I went to check out a few tumblr's and saw this screenshot of something really cool.
Apparently if you Googled 'Let it snow' into its search engine, snow will start falling on the page and it will start to freeze up. Once it's fully frozen, you can write stuff on the page itself. :D
And since I had just almost teared watching Wong Fu, I wrote this :

Set your screen darker if you can't see that I had written 'Wong Fu 4 Lyfe'. :)

Oh and also :

Yes and so later I remembered I was actually looking for my old movie stubs. Don't ask me why or judge me for finding such unimportant things but I just was and I still can't find them! :(

Oh and then later in the afternoon my sister came home and showed me her new manicure. And a new toy she bought from the nail salon.

It's a bottle that stores your nail varnish remover liquid and efficiently wets your cotton pad without the hassle of twisting the bottle cap and then pouring the liquid out.

That's the pump where you place the cotton on.

And then...

Ta da! (That's a wet spot, btw)

After seeing my sister's manicure, I decided to get one too. Like asap. In fact, this was the first thing I wanted to get for myself once I had ended that job. So I called up the place, fixed an appointment, went to get ready and then my sister took me to the salon.

Soon I was settled in the chair, having the lady file my nails, trim my cuticles, massage both my arms and hands and then finally painting on the colour I chose.

Lousy picture from my phone since I wasn't in the position to reach into my bag and take my camera out. But yes, I chose red :D Came home with pretty nails and slightly sore cuticles.

Alrighty, shall go now. This post was so exaggerated. Even tried to resist writing about that bottle my sister got. All just to show that I was actually doing something today. One more picture before I go,

Flipper and I are both multitaskers. :P

Till ~~next time~~ tomorrow, night!

You promised.

2011-12-16T15:22:00.003+08:00

Escapist

And take me anywhere

2011-12-15T21:58:00.001+08:00

Sad, sad little turtle

2011-12-13T10:23:00.003+08:00

"I called you an idiot not because you didn't understand, it was because you did. But the idiocy part came in when you didn't know how to value it. So if you take too long, she'll walk away, just like that."

She never needed to feel bad for leaving, so would she be considered an idiot too?

-----------------

Passed my Undang. Wheee hooo!

Now I can reclaim my sleep in peace.

More, please

2011-12-08T15:34:00.001+08:00

Let me tell you, you and you.

I have nothing to be sorry for.
I won't be waiting.
That's not love.

What you supposedly meant

2011-12-07T15:35:00.001+08:00

No, all you ever wanted was for me to stay miserable. Sad. Lonely.

And whenever I got back up you made sure you were there

To push me right back to the start where I had just been broken.

2011-12-06T17:58:00.001+08:00

Update :

Asshole.
Btw, 'raincheck' isn't in my vocab.
'Forget it' is though.

Once every lifetime

2011-12-06T16:16:00.001+08:00

When you're just tired of everything.

--------------

Am outta credit. Wait till tonight.

Am having this tomorrow courtesy of Josh. He better stick to his promise.

And they all... fall down

2011-12-03T14:08:00.001+08:00

I could sort of understand it. I could understand why I had envied it. But thankfully I hadn't envied it enough to go after the same thing. It's never going to be enough to shed light on

Click.

He would understand me. He would be the only person in this whole wide world to finally understand why I said what I said, and why I did what I did. But I would run away from this carved wonder and threaten him to leave me alone. And then he would say I was only doing it because

Click.

Don't worry mom, I couldn't comprehend it if he loved me anyway.

Click.

It's fa-la-la-laaaaa

Click.

Could you let me out? It's dark in here. Very dark. And I'm kinda hungry. You're happy now right? Very happy. I had fun down here. Sometimes. You didn't always come to play. He didn't either, she didn't either. Oh but it's alright. I liked just hearing your voices. It was soothing. The way you cursed, the way you yelled. It sent me to sleep.

I liked it down there. So would you

Click.

Oh my god.

Looking at a guilty mirror

2011-12-02T21:48:00.001+08:00

And then miraculously there comes the time where you stop all your little thoughts, like a little train that ran out of track. No longer heading to your damned destination, you stop and take a breather, realizing this bliss is something you're experiencing beyond your boundaries.

But as much as you want to care about your own fate, you're swept up into ignorance and it becomes your home.

-------------------------

Most possibly your girl won't find my blog.
But if she ever does,
Hey Angela, he's not my type.

Daniel Siang, thanks for yesterday. You're still a bitch for leaving and I'll probably use that against you for the rest of your life. You're like the brother I never had. But if you ever were my brother, I'd never let you near Youtube after what you showed us yesterday. Am honoured that I was there to take away your Nando's virginity btw.

-----------------------

An obvious statement :

I wore your necklace today. I wear it everyday. When I sleep, when I shower, when I do somersaults, when I take a piss, when I aimlessly walk around. So I wonder, did you notice?

The need for a shot or two - granted

2011-12-01T23:05:00.001+08:00

Effy is a goddess.

---------------

Had a good day&night.

Need some changes to this blog.

You're one to talk

2011-11-28T17:21:00.001+08:00

Madame Deluca ; Effy Stonem

And what emotion have you chosen to depict?

Anger, jealousy, bitterness, tiredness, hope, lust, love.

A veritable feast. So where is it?

It's everywhere.

My dear girl. I'm not sure I understand.

It's conceptual. You just can't see it.

You're saying you haven't done it?

No I'm saying you can't see it.

-------------

Fuck fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

Hahahahahahhahaa

I'm so fucking sick of this.

HAVE A NICE FUCKING LIFE.

So, your place, five minutes?

2011-11-25T23:48:00.001+08:00

Because thanks to you, I ended up like this and am stuck in this dump I call a life and now you won't even give me the time of day. I want to burn every single thing that reminds me of you hoping it could wipe out my own memories. And by the end of it all, I wish to see you gone. Or rather, somehow have a life where it never started with you.

Thoughts down, smoke up

2011-11-25T15:32:00.001+08:00

This world is too huge, too many ways to die.

And suddenly I'm a lost cause.

Your words were running all over

2011-11-24T08:57:00.001+08:00

Things I would wanna grab once I get my cash :

Manicure
Phone cover
That watermelon top
Converse
Starbucks x100
Miniskirt
Long tees
Leggings
Studded accessories
iPhone
Car
More black varnish
A few more shades
4 inch peep toe black heels
Back massage
Hairdo
New flats
Three more piercings
Love
Marshmallows to fill up my whole room
So much bubblegum till I pop
Chanel clutch
Rectangular faced watch
Sex
One way ticket to Venice
Say "Hey love, you're sexy" to a random hot person
A bigass DSLR
Mac
Time
Strawberry shampoo

Yeah of all these, I might only get the first and last items.

The synonyms of rapture

2011-11-22T20:58:00.001+08:00

Hearing my options, it didn't take me very long to settle on one. In a room with butterflies stationary on its walls, it gave me an idea of how his mind worked. When I asked if he was ever lonely, he shook his head and smiled.

But only with his lips.

Learning from a thief's life

2011-11-20T23:59:00.001+08:00

Would you have given this to anyone else?

He didn't give me a response till five seconds later, so I knew it was a lie. I took it and he watched my every movement. For a moment he reached out halfway to grab the glass from my hand, but pulled back at the last minute. Gave him one last stare, then drank to my death.

Well at least she died in style.

Surrendering an unseen battle

2011-11-17T09:14:00.001+08:00

so much for empty promises bent on breaking; so much for words without meaning; so much for a heart that swore to be genuine; so much for love.
if all that was just an act to bring me down using every weakness you knew of, then maybe i was your perfect caged bird.
and maybe she fell too deep to even fly away.
so don't delay your kill, no, slaughter me while i'm still here.

oh, good morning.

Aramis

2011-11-16T22:21:00.001+08:00

Oh my god get your facts straight, immature babies. Listening to rumors all day then convincing yourself and the rest of the world that you're undeniably right is just proof of your stupidity. As always, you think this is what leads to popularity. Get a grip. Is popularity gonna last? And calm your freaking tits when you hear gossip and stay out of it if it isn't even your damn business. It ain't a rare case. This happens every day. But that still doesn't give me any less of a reason to want to poke your eyeballs out. You are just bored of your ugly, sorry, little life and it makes you want to screw another person's just so you can amuse yourself. You have stooped that low. Giving other people your bitchy-and-fake-know-it-all face isn't going to cut it if you want to make a place in this world. I would like to ask you to give up the act, but I figured there wouldn't be a point anyway. You probably won't even admit this is you I'm talking about.

Lovers or nothing

2011-11-15T21:40:00.001+08:00

anddd *drumrolls* happy 200th post.

-----------------

I asked her a question nicely and I got a bitchy face and response

Next thing I know, she loses her pen

Karma's a bitch baby

5th day of work = Had two breaks (Y)

2011-11-13T02:04:00.001+08:00

I can't sleep.

It's been a while since I stayed up this late. Messed up my body clock so I'm supposed to collapse by now.
I can't deny that. My body wants to.

But it's hard. I'm tired of trying.

And I'm dying to know, is it killing you ; Like it's killing me

2011-11-12T12:01:00.001+08:00

I don't know what to say since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now

~~Next chapter~~

The end

2011-11-08T23:58:00.001+08:00

"No really, what was that for?"

"For everything."

---------------------

I really can't do this anymore.

I CAN'T. Okay? No more.

I never thought forever meant this.

Yeah you know, I never thought forever fucking meant THIS.

No, no more.

George from today ;

2011-11-08T21:22:00.001+08:00

It was the same, each and every single dreadful time.
Got tired of your facade of smiles.
Got fed up of your lack of interest over the line.
You've already made up your mind about who's more worth your time.

So stop calling.

Tell me something I don't know

2011-11-07T21:49:00.006+08:00

Do you hear me?

2011-11-05T20:15:00.000+08:00

Was never a big fan of Joe, but once I heard this song and watched this video, I was intrigued.

-------------------------

You know, maybe one day I'll keep these bangs.

Nah, I'll go back to my side.

Have an idea for a new blog post, shall get it done soon. :D

-------------------------

Had the greatest writing session today. Shall go for another one soon.

Because

2011-11-03T17:39:00.002+08:00

It was just like an illustration had played itself in front of my eyes.

With each smile I had, it would cost a day with you. With every laugh, a month. You were right there, within reach but never welcome. Watching me, each time stating a repetitive truth about what love meant, but at the same time cursing me that I shall never experience it. All I could do was tell you what you meant to me, and never once, did I see my existence being reflected in your eyes.

And as you watched your one and only doll doing what she did every single second,

You watched her crack and cry.

No questions, no lies

2011-10-28T22:38:00.000+08:00

Came across this video when I was browsing Facebook this afternoon. (geez blogger disallows me from typing Facebook in small letters or I'll get a stupid red zigzag beneath it)
It was kinda funny how the video chose this picture as it's thumbnail. None of us knew it was a video at first so we posed caus we thought it was a picture.
Made me realize that.. yeah, I kinda miss school.

HAHA WHAT? You actually believed that?
Hell no. I don't miss school.

I miss Interact though. And to think, I would be.. unexpectedly leaving. In a sense.
Oh fishballs I'm such a screwup. To think I actually fought to stay, only to be forced by myself to leave.

----------------

Felt like writing a story but my head's too muddled to produce it.

Maybe the next post.

---------------

Guess that's about it for tonight.

Oh wait one more thing.

Ah that felt good.

Bangs, what else?

2011-10-27T21:11:00.003+08:00

As I promised.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have to deal with life.

Shoot shoot shoot, hoot hoot hoot

2011-10-26T15:33:00.002+08:00

Oh you thought I was joking when I said I was gonna get myself bangs?

Suckeeerrrr.

Pictures will be up soon. ;)

Just these days

2011-10-25T16:31:00.001+08:00

Lara walked to the car lugging her tote filled with worn clothes and in her other hand was her cell phone, only having a bar of battery left supporting its life. She had been listening to her playlist specially made to help her sleep, but it was of no use-she was kept awake all night and she had to stop listening once daybreak showed itself to allow some power to remain in the machine.

She slipped the phone into the pocket of her shorts so she could open the door of the car, and she tumbled on the seat gracefully. She heaved a sigh, then looked over to the driver.

"I'm sorry, I forgot my toothbrush. Had to run back up to get it. You waited long?" she asked in an exhausted tone, while fumbling with the seat belt. Austin looked at her with concern and effortlessly helped her to buckle the belt into place. "Thanks" she smiled a weary smile.

"No problem. You alright? You don't look so good. How late did you girls sleep last night? Or this morning." Austin touched her face and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. He loved the way she embraced her bed-head hair. She never took an effort to comb it and he would never mind. The way her hair tousled perfectly in its waves and tumbled on her shoulders, hanging near her waist, he found perfection in that.

"I'm fine. We should get going. The movie's at one, right?" she assured him with a wink.

Austin gave her one last look and started the engine, driving away from the house. After exiting the area, he asked her, "So you had fun?"

Lara summoned all her energy to respond but it was no good, all that escaped her lips were, "Yeah, we..-" and then her closed eyes brought her drifting off to sleep. Sleep that she didn't get to experience all of last night. Austin realized this, and he brought the car to a stop, looking at his girlfriend in peaceful slumber. He was used to this. She was never one to be able to sleep peacefully like the norm of others. But lately it had worsened, and as much as sleeping pills could help, he hadn't allowed it for the sake of her health. She hated drugs anyway so he had made a sleeping list on her phone to listen to whenever she couldn't doze off.

He leaned forward to kiss her forehead and then whispered, "Sweet dreams beautiful."

He started the engine but his destination wasn't the theater, he drove towards his place, where he would place her on a proper bed for her to sleep. Maybe for a whole day, but she deserved it. His current wish was for Lara to sleep normally, so he would be able to see life in her eyes once again. But since all of his efforts met a dead end, he decided to just be there for her if she needed anything. And although she hasn't admitted it to his face, he knew how much she longed for peaceful nights as well.

Lara slept with a dream fluttering by her eyes, and she didn't want to be in it-she wanted to grab it and lock it in her memory. So she could relive it whenever possible because she knew once she awoke, it would be gone, in a blink of an eye. She saw that girl's face, and how sweetly she had smiled. How she had embraced what they were, and said it was gonna be just fine. Lara had cried then in the dream, and she reached out to the girl, but she vanished in seconds, leaving her all alone. Lara stood and whispered, "Come back. Why do you always leave?"

Austin wiped a tear from her sleeping eyes, as she was clutching onto the covers tighter than usual. Lara was having another nightmare, and all he could do was watch. He could lightly make out what she dreamed of. There would be no one else.

With that he left the room and told himself the truth he had been holding back from himself for forever now,

"Maybe I was too late."

-------------------

Hi there, I just kinda felt like writing a little. Haven't in a long time but trust me, I've always wanted to. Just the matter of time. :/

On a more realistic note, I just remembered I still have Chem exams to sit for, and the third papers for Bio and Physics. But even with all that realization, I have not touched my books.

Yeah, I don't want to.

I'm sick of studying for something I don't even want to study for.

I feel like going for a haircut, as a renewal.

Start over, as most would refer it to, yeah I need to 'start over'.

Maybe bangs. Yeah maybe that. Wouldn't care if others thought it looked bad.

Starting over doesn't mean all is gonna go well.

------------------

It's just that these days,

It's been happening all over again, the banging and opening of that same door.

And it's exhausting, I mean, come on now,

Give that door a break.

Maybe you'll find some relief as well.

And when you do, I'll be right here, in the other room you chose to ignore.

Working on alcoholics

2011-10-23T15:59:00.002+08:00

That's Kristine for you.

I wonder how's life in Netherlands.

----------------

The pictures ahead will tell you what I've been up to recently.
The only thing that's missing are exam pictures.
No damn way am I gonna take pictures of my exam papers.
Imma burn them first.

Generally
a mosquito spread its ink on my poster,
I worked,
and I went on a date.
Tonight Imma chill with my two girls and watch some girls in Phuket.
Kay that sounded wrong. Whatever.

While we were at the fountains yesterday, I spotted a few kids.
And they were so adorable I absent mindedly whipped out my camera and took a few shots.

--------------

I just wanted to be drunk. Honest to goodness, drunk. I didn't want to know what was happening. I just wanted to smile without a reason, without worrying what people thought I hid. It would be nice looking at you and and at that moment I would never even be able to register your judgmental eyes.
They would pierce me, but I would only realize when I returned sober.
Till then, I loved the way you looked at me.
Even if it wasn't a good reason, even if you never looked at me for good reasons,
I would welcome those eyes with a smile, one that could never melt your heart.

So defenseless

2011-10-17T16:15:00.001+08:00

I have never slept so much during an exam before.
Can't wait for this Friday! :)
Will be back soon. Sadly exams have a leash on me for the time being. :(

Oh and I dug up an old photo. Realized I looked so...
~~OMG WTH THAT WAS ME IMPOSSIBLE MUST BE THE WRONG PERSON MAYBE I TOOK THE WRONG PHOTO MAYBE~~
In short I couldn't recognize myself.

Kay till I get free, baiz.

"Won't call it living if I'm not with you,"

2011-10-12T22:48:00.002+08:00

Upon the request of the pretty woman in the pictures above, I have agreed to dedicate this post entirely to her. :)

~~Her name's Natalie Ng Wanshan. She's sixteen, like me. She's a girl, like me.~~
Cut all that typical crap, Imma just talk from the heart.
We had our first fateful encounter in our first year when we entered high school, and we so happened to be in the same class. Though, we didn't really click immediately. According to her, her first impression of me was an emo, loner girl-a wallflower. And to me, my first impression of her was loud and probably friendly. For the rest of our form one life, we got to know each other better, and eventually we got close. We were the typical friends who had our ups and downs-we fought like real bitches, and we laughed like real hyenas.
Whatever the situation, I've always felt like I was living when I was with her. Nothing would be dull and still. Even if I was down, and if she still asked me questions I didn't want to answer, I would always somehow find it in me to try to respond. Up to this day, I never knew why.
Btw we fought once about how I was too emo and I wouldn't open up to her. Nope, I didn't forget Nat. ;)

We tried hard to maintain our friendship through form two, but it wasn't easy at all.
We were in different classes and by then we had already started drifting. I made new friends who I instantly clicked with, and she made new ones too. It was as though I missed out on her the entire year and didn't even notice it flying by me. I still regret for those times lost, and always wished I tried harder then even though I can never reclaim those moments.
We fought more frequent, and it was like we had nothing we could agree on anymore. At times I felt like I didn't even know her. But other times I felt like my life was drained of something, like I couldn't go on without feeling an emptiness in my heart. It was there everyday, whether I acknowledged it or not.

Soon came our third year, and things were getting pretty good. We spent time together and made up for some of our lost friendship. Even though we weren't in the same class again, we still tried to make it work.
However somewhere during mid-year, there was a huge fight. I won't mention details but in short we didn't talk for almost two months and no words can describe the terrible pain and awkwardness in the air every time we would pass by or catch a glimpse of each other. It was a hard time and it took a lot to get our shattered friendship back on solid ground. It was tough, but we made it through.
Thank God too, because I couldn't imagine life without her there.

Come year 2011, and we have recovered beyond any medicine a doctor could give. Omg what am I talking about.
Point is, this year even though she had no intention to, she walked into the class I was in after she applied for the Science stream classes. My mouth was just like this :O
At first I thought it was gonna be awkward because I was already seated with people and had no empty seats around me. So she sat at the back with Mistika, and soon, Martin. But throughout the months we got even closer than we have been among the other three years. I found myself with her most of the time in class. Except the times when we had awkward silences and after a few minor arguments. Hahahah I guess we'll never change. ;)

At first I thought I would never come to like, much less love, my class. There was no one I was particularly close to and I found myself left out most of the time. But when I was with her, it was like everything would be okay. Whenever I didn't feel like sitting still at my place, I went at the back to where she sat. Although she had Mistika and Martin, I didn't feel like I was out of place. It was a sort of homey spot which I can never describe.
Although at times I gotta admit, Martin gets on my nerves when he bothers her too much. And then she goes screaming for help and I do what I can but he... is damn persistent.

And now he's your boyfie. Took me a lot not to cry. :(

I've known her for four years now but I know I haven't known everything about her. Like how I didn't know how bad her teeth looked like before she got braces. (She never would tell me how bad it was. "It was really bad" is all she'll say) I also lost count of how many school bags she has. But I can remember her current one for life because a certain keychain hangs on it. :)
I don't know how her hair just waves perfectly. I mean, look at her bangs. Mine's ALWAYS flat while hers flops ... perfectly. -.-
I also didn't know she got a Mac. I only found out on the day we went out to collaborate on a fic together (but failed) and when she whipped it out, I was surprised, for sure.
She knows one thing about me which I don't though.
I kick in my sleep.
Like whaaaaaaaat? I do now? Really?
She's sure I do. Apparently I kicked her before. :/

In this year alone, I've gone places with her. Cheer, countless hangouts, surprise parties, malls I've never stepped into, and even A THEME PARK (well an indoor one).
My first trips to Sunway, Pavillion and Berjaya were all thanks to her. If not, I would've remained a completely deprived kid, yet to see the world beyond The Curve. -.-
My first trip to an indoor theme park was unforgettable. No, literally because it was my first time this close to puking into the nearest trash can. But after I got out of the killer ride that almost made me die, she took my hand and dragged me to the nearest bench. Thank God, or I would've puked all over and embarrassed the shit out of her, Vin and Martin. Most of all, myself.
We also had a study date over at her place and I was there for about eight hours. Overall we only spent a total of two hours studying. The rest of the hours we were lazing around, talking, laughing, watching stuff, ~~and playing with Ferry~~ okay so I played with Ferry. :P
But it was worth going. I wouldn't spend my day any other way. :)

That's about it. I have a lot of other things to say but I can't think of all of it right now. Must be the exam brain kicking in, hahaha.
Anyway as a last note, thank you for being someone so important to me, and I hope I have been some value of importance in your life as well. :) I'll truly cherish every moment we had together and someday when we're both older and still friends, we'll look back at this and remember that we've come a long way. Our friendship is priceless and I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I love you, here's to the coming years! :D

It's been more than a month, I won't count those few days of breakage.

We're in this together. :)

You've gotta wake up sometime. Or another.

2011-10-10T22:24:00.000+08:00

I don't know her first name. If she even had one. Maybe her name was fully Chinese. I wouldn't know that either.
I remember she used to be a mobile hair stylist. She would go around cutting people's hair instead of having her own saloon. I remember she cut my first bob. I remember I cried.
I remember she said I was skinny, too skinny. She told my mum I would be prettier if I ate a little.
I remember as she grew older, she lost most of her teeth and when she wore dentures, she smiled a little odd, but I still loved the way she did.
I remember that I didn't really know her. But she was a woman who didn't act her age. She went out, lived life to the fullest, and you wouldn't even guess her age exceeded eighty.

She was my great grand-aunt. And she's gone home to meet her Maker today.
I'm sorry I didn't get to speak with you in the last few years, not even a hi.
I'm sorry I cried when you almost shaved my head bald for the first time.
I'm sorry I didn't even get to know you better.
Even though I didn't, I still love you. Rest in peace. :')

-------------------

"Did something happen?"

"What?"

"You were sobbing on the phone when I called you."

"I-I wasn't!"

"Really? Then it must've been after I got off the phone with you."

Nomiya to Yamada

Honey and Clover II Episode 3

2011-10-06T00:48:00.003+08:00

my eyes are so numb from all the waterworks i might as well be blind.
this is the last i can take.
i don't know what else i can even stand up against.
i know i'll just crumble to ashes.

Phonics

2011-10-05T01:05:00.002+08:00

She leaned back on the leather seat, just breathing. Her mum peered over at her with concern every fifteen seconds even when her eyes should be on the road. She allowed the life to be sucked out of her as she blankly stared out the window, at the passing cars emitting lights that bounced in the winter air. Even with the radio on, she put on her earphones and let the piano's melody soothe her. It didn't really help but when you're desperate for something, you're willing to try just about anything. She wanted her mum to leave her alone. To let her be normal for once. To be someone with feelings.
She mindlessly hummed along to the tune and fiddled with the chain around her neck. If she could do one thing, she would want to walk along the pavement she was looking at. Walk as far as she could without turning back, hoping it might bring her as far away as she wanted from her present.
She closed her eyes and surrendered to the bottled memories.

"Tell me you will,"
He stroked her cheek.

She had nowhere to go so,
"Mhmm,"
Followed by a weak nod.

The tears came without warning and he pulled her in for a warm embrace-one she knew wouldn't even bring an ounce of happiness that could cause a smile to spread across her face. Instead she just allowed herself to be held, as he rested his head on hers.

Yellow (II)

2011-09-28T17:19:00.000+08:00

End your essay with :
And eventually, I got used to it.

Who I was gonna write about,

Well that was a no-brainer.

Okay so I was watching Kevin's videos the other day and came across this one.

He, Ryan Higa, WongFu, Cathy (I have the same earrings as her! :D), Far East Movement, B.o.B, Clara C, David Choi, Jay Park etc are gonna be thereeeee I WISH I HAD THE MONEY TO FLY THERE OMG

Kay bai

2011-09-25T21:49:00.002+08:00

I don't know, why not I just step out?
Sigh.

I'm not as good.

The picture episode

2011-09-24T01:21:00.000+08:00

Okay so there was this weekend where my mum made tea for me.
Yeah that might sound like nothing new but she did it differently that day.
What I meant was that she raided the cup cabinet and took out this :

On a Thursday, the 8th of September, after school, my sister and I hit the road for a drive.
Well my idea of a drive would be some frozen yogurt, shades, a beach as a destination etc.
But no.
We had to go to the bank to get my mum's check book. Well, I had to go in while my sister just waited outside in the car. And let me just say, the people at the bank don't take kids seriously. They just think you're a joke, that you don't know anything about finances, and check books and yeah you get the picture.
I just got the heck out of there the minute I was done.

After the bank scene, we went all the way to Subang to pick up my baby from the Acer Service Center.
If you didn't read my previous posts, my laptop was having some problems with the speakers and it sounded as though it was throwing up, so yeah I sent it for repairs.
It was a half-hour drive and once we reached, I just wanted to grab my baby and head on home.
But like every other Service Center, you had to take a number,
And wait.
After three or two people, I wrapped my arms around my baby and raaaan to the car.
Oh but guess what, that very night, my baby shocked me.

By throwing up again. Like wtf, seriously?
So much for a half-hour drive.

That same Thursday, Ange showed me something on Tumblr during class. It was a picture of a girl in a dress.
Sounds so typical but NO.
It was a dress, but not initially one. It was a checkered shirt. Creatively transformed into a dress. I tried it out and it looked something like this.

Okay I'm no Tumblr model, so excuse the amateur shots.

Okay so I told myself I would be strong enough to blog about what happened at Help.
I woke up early, did all my usual preparations, grabbed all my stuff and got there half an hour early.
Saw Natalie Chong and then waited for Jia Wei to show up. Once he did, we saw other DJ-ians who I do not feel like mentioning. No, not out of spite. Out of inferiority.
The lecture started and I had my first gist of what college would be like once I entered. I don't even remember how many times I cursed my hair for falling in all the wrong directions.
It was supposed to be a three hour lecture but it ended up being a four hour one. Trust me, you won't even feel like it was that long. It was that interesting.
And then round one started. It was a simple multiple-choice test and also an essay. It looked easy and

Okay I'm sorry I can't do this anymore. To make up for it, here are some shots? Sigh.

Just two days ago, on Wednesday, (Yeah I'm typing this Friday morning) I skipped school. Oh and I skipped today too but that's, whatever.
I forced my eyes to open at 10.30 and then I brushed and grabbed some light breakfast and started studying.
Let's just say I studied SLEEPING AIDS. Plus I was studying on my bed so you could just imagine how much willpower I had to summon just to not crash over my books.

I took a break caus I wanted something to eat or drink to avoid myself from knocking out. I decided to get some tea. And since I was feeling a little ~~badass~~ adventurous, I checked out some other tea my mum got other than my same old green tea.
I found this rock-like tea. I asked my sister what it was so she unwrapped it and said it was FLOWER TEA. :O
She plopped it into some water and soon it bloomed. I looked at it for like 5 minutes then decided to not drink it. It was too pretty. My sister took it.

Oh and I had homemade pizza for lunch. And it was raining.
Maybe it was some sign you know, that school would be depressing caus it rained so it would be better if I didn't go. Totes.
Way to make myself feel better for skipping. :D

~~On Thursday~~ Yesterday, my bi got me something. Something I knew, JUST KNEW I should've kept for like a year before eating it. But I..
Ate it.
I'm a terrible person.

ThankyousomuchbiIloveyouI'msosorryIateitI'mafoodmonsterRAWR

I guess that's about it BUT OH ONE MORE THING
As you know I was spamming videos on Youtube today such as WongFu's, Kevjumba's, Nigahiga's.
Well they also have this friend, her name's Cathy Nguyen. She appears quite frequently on their videos too and she has her own channel where she does covers for songs.
AND AND AND, in one of her videos, she did a cover for Adele's Someone Like You and guess what.

I have the same earrings she was wearing. O____O

OH. MY. FUDGGGEEEE. Starstruck. Completely.
Yeahahahah anyway you can click the pic for a larger view but if you still can't see it, here's the link to the video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6af-gbsNJew

Till next time, BAAAAIII oh I should probably have a picture for this.

There. Bye! :)

Drunk on videos

2011-09-23T15:21:00.002+08:00

I stayed up till who knows when just watching Nigahiga last night.
Then this ~~morning~~ afternoon when I woke up I continued my rampage and rewatched some Kevjumba ones.
I rewatched this and laughed so hard my sore throat got worse. How is that even possible.
By the way the other Asian guy who's not Kevin is the Asian guy from Twilight.

Might be back tonight

Hypertonic

2011-09-22T22:42:00.002+08:00

Maybe it was the fact that I wasn't feeling too well that I assumed,

That as I pondered over the shelves,

I knew, just knew,

She thought I was looking for condoms.

-.-

Freewired

2011-09-20T17:33:00.001+08:00

"And so I pounced on her and ripped all her hair from her scalp, hearing her scream from beneath me. AND THEN she finally said sorry. "

"HELL YES!" *shows thumbs up*

"Yeah and then I woke up."

"Nice life you have."

Shutter

2011-09-18T13:31:00.001+08:00

I did not even make it to the second round. That's how much I remember.
You might think, "Oh shut the hell up, haven't you whined about this enough?"
Well I'm telling you to SHUT THE FUCK UP because this is where I VENT NOT YOU and you would NEVER KNOW how I felt at that one horrible moment where I knew I tried all I could, did my best, and still did not see my name on that one important board.

You know you did your best too, Chong Jia Wei. And I understand that you were deeply upset too. Yet I was too caught up in my own feelings to console you there and then. I'm so sorry.
It might be too late to say this, but you were never a failure, a useless person, or even someone small.
Look at the people who love you. You hold a big place in their hearts. And if they believe you can exceed your limits, believe it yourself for their sake. :)

I almost cried all over again. Reading his Freud post, reading that message I got as soon as I woke up, reading the completed essay I had written last night. I just wanted to cry.
It felt like to no extent was crying ever enough. It felt like I had to cry for a long, long time. To make myself believe that that could change things. But they wouldn't. In the end I knew, they wouldn't.

I did the classic

2011-09-17T20:59:00.003+08:00

I had yogurt. I watched Crossroads again. ~~I ate dark chocolate.~~ I finished the dark chocolate my mum had just bought. I took out my laptop. I wrote half a random essay. I drank green tea. I went out for dinner. I added chili flakes and chili paste like crazy into my bowl of noodles. Burned my tongue but didn't feel it until in the car. Ate a quarter of my mum's noodles. Not sure if she gave it to me on purpose after she saw my face. Even thought of getting ice cream. Came home. Lucky kissed me all over my face. As though he knew I needed it.

I didn't mind if you kept quiet or didn't have anything to say. I poured out to you because I trusted you to not judge me for being a weakling. I trusted you to still be by my side even after my episode. It felt nice being able to cry without holding back. Without worrying that you might say, "Don't cry," because you said what I knew you would say, "If it makes you feel better, cry it out,". I just wanted to know that I could turn to you at my worst, and that you would still accept me.

Oh and happy birthday Calvin Hong. Hope you're happy wherever, whenever, however.
Bye.

Last Thursday night

2011-09-16T13:33:00.000+08:00

Omgggg last night was such a blur. I remember I slept on my sister's bed as she would be in some Genting one then. I remember I left the light on. I remember my laptop was on. I remember I left the modem wire still plugged in. I remember I fell asleep to the sound of someone playing the guitar. And then about 4am, I found that the wifi was off, realized the room was dark and so I closed my conversations and switched off my lappie. My first instinct, of course, was OMG WTF GHOSTS DID THIS. But no, at about 10am my mum came in and asked if I wanted to follow her to HELP and then asked me why didn't I turn off the light and my laptop last night.
Only my mum wouldn't have enough consideration to know that I probably had one messy night and that I COULDN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING and so all I gave her was a brief "I forgot" and went back to sleep.
I woke up at almost 1pm, which was just a few minutes ago and then remembered something totally irrelevant about last night.

And when I did, hooooo sweetheart I could bash a wall.

YOU BITCH!

willneverevereverevereverforgiveoreventrytocomprehendwhyyoudidwhatyoudidcausobviouslyyou'restupidenoughtoeventrytofuckaroundwithme.ieventhoughtyouweresomemiraclechildtobeabletoevenkeepupthisbullshitandstillbealivetotwofacearoundme.SERIOUSLY.

2011-09-15T14:01:00.000+08:00

Damn I need to stop I just almost almost almost like was really close to puking I think I could even taste it in my mouth this is so disgusting that if I threw up I would throw up right in your face to show you how gross it is oh my fish I can't get it out of my head maybe I should just go grab a bag and puke then burst it on you LOL that would feel great

~~will be~~ might be back tonight

Thesis

2011-09-14T15:39:00.005+08:00

Eventually everyone's gonna move on

No matter which direction we choose

That's our meaning of happiness

Vos lèvres sont entachés de poison

2011-09-12T22:29:00.002+08:00

The final one was a patterned silver strip, folded neatly into the perfect shape to mimic the rest

She plopped it into the stout bottle and fastened its cap in place

She held it up near her face to examine her work

After this

You would probably laugh at me still

Saying things as though we switched places in our fate

I started to hate what you've become

I cursed you in my head every single passing day

But there was not one day where I did not think of you

Foreseeing

You would act as indifferent as you have been all this while

And that I would keep up

Matching our scores

Not ever realizing that if I cracked first

You won't even know I did

That was how our fate was meant to be

She held it at arm's length, slowly raising it above her head

And after all this I had still loved you

She took one breath

Then the next moment she reached out to the disarray before her

Her blood stained the floor as she pressed her palm onto the mess, not feeling the pain

The scarlet similar to the red coloured stars that had spilled and mixed with the shards of glass

It's nice how you won't ever be able to prove your lies